Non tenured Assistant Professor

2011-08-19T12:50:00.000-04:00

I have moved the blog.

You can find the new one here: http://academiaandlife.wordpress.com/

Still waiting

2011-02-22T14:13:00.001-05:00

Still no news, it's almost the end of the month. The Higher Spheres have not decided yet. Unbloggable Issue is under control because there is no news. An answer should come in by next week... I hope.

I hate waiting, but there is nothing else I can do. I have to stay zen!

Unbloggable

2011-02-04T12:57:00.004-05:00

Well, there are too many unbloggable issues going on here, more than I could possibly think about. That's the reason for the long silence. All I can say it's all revoleving around the possibility of making my position permanent. If the higher spheres of the university will approve, there will be an internal war to be fought: the old guard against the new one. The one who resist change and the one who are change. The final result in unknown. But nobody saw this coming. Oh, I should also mention that the old guard would like to illegaly (because of no academic credentials) place a friend into the permanent position.

I can't say more. I will have to keep quiet until we know more and up until the moment we can move the old guard out of the way. Even the director of the department is fed up and willing to fight.

So I will keep a very low profile until things move on one direction or the other but I'll keep reading other's blogs. As soon as things move out of the funk, I'll try to post more regularly....

Keep your fingers crossed! :)

Happy New Year!

2011-01-13T12:07:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year!

We came back from Europe last week, and as soon as I returned I was swamped with work. I did take abreak for the 10 days spent with family and friends (a much needed one) but had to pay it back when we got back.

Classes started immediately (obviously not all students are back, I really don't understand whey we should start this early and codn't wait to start on the 10 in stead) and yesterday I had a conference, which went very well, I was happy about it, etc.

But it was a heavy start and now I can finally get back into normal thinking mode and plan the semester ahead. Right now I was only in survival mode, now I want to plan my semester because a lot of projects are in the making.

I hope you all had a nice break and lovely holidays.

Fist snow

2010-12-07T18:14:00.000-05:00

And it keeps snowing!!!!!

Winter is here

2010-12-06T16:55:00.002-05:00

It is snowing outside. It started this morning, with few ice pellets and now we are in a full snowstorm, the first of this upcoming winter. I walked our boy this afternoon and he didn't seem pleased with the wind. I still have to finish an exam and to review my course pack for a course I will be teaching next semester but let me say I have been a bit lazy today. It's the first day since the beginning of the semester (or should I say the end of it) that I don't have to prepare classes. YAYYYYY!!!!

Tomorrow I have a meeting off campus and then the afternoon for me. It has been such a long time I was not able to take some time off. I still had things to do on Sunday but today I can finally move in slow motion. What a relief! I can't believe I am finally done (well, wait until I will complain about grading!). I need to relax a bit and then make a plan for the upcoming semester, a more relaxed one, also because I will be taking it easy. I have been running around and being exhausted for such a long time, I can finally slow down.

Winter is coming and I feel like hibernating... oh yeah!

And... it's over!

2010-12-03T17:30:00.004-05:00

The semester is finally over! At least classes are finally over. Then there are the finals and the corrections! But at least for now there will be no more teaching, no more prep! YAYYYYY!!!

It has been a hell of a long semester. I couldn't wait for it to be over and now I have an enormous sense of relief. I have never been so busy before. I know it is my fault because I took on too many things to do and some responsibilities I didn't expect to be so burdensome.

Right now my desk looks like there an atomic explosion. This weekend I will spend some time filing stuff and putting things away. I want to start next semester under a much calmer state in order to focus on what is really important for me while taking the time to breath. I felt like I was a little hamster constantly running and I hate this feeling. My stress was translated in less exercise, less sleep, more tiredness, and less energy. I want next semester to be a calmer one, a more thoughtful one. I will think about this and try to find a way to make it that way.

January is coming soon and I want to make the best out of it!

Last week of the semester

2010-11-29T14:54:00.002-05:00

And then we are done! At least until January 3rd when the new semester starts again! (I have never understood why the semester starts so early in Canada, students can have finals until December 23 and then we ask them to be back in class on the 3... It's terrible, at least another week should be given so all of us we can have a real break!)

I have graded over 75 tests and projects over the weekend. And from next week it's time to grade the finals! Good Lord, please help me with this because it's the last thing I want to do on earth! I can't think about grading 140 finals..... The only thing that keeps me going is that we will spend Christmas in Europe. We are leaving in three weeks and I am super excited! It has been five years I did not spend the holidays at home and this time Husband gets to come with me, so we will have ten days in Europe together! I just can't wait!!!!

Today I still have to finalize some excel sheets with grades so they will be almost done before the finals begin. And write one final exam for the extra class I am teaching.

Now I am off to walk Mr. Doggie, the weather today is much nicer as the first snow arrived on Saturday. Oh... winter? Really? It has been such a gorgeous autumn that I did forget about the snow part. Now I can't anymore...

Letter to Student

2010-11-22T15:33:00.003-05:00

Dear S,

I am sorry about the loss of your grandmother but I still can't understand how come you had to visit her for the last 3 months every week, on the two days a week and at the same time our class takes place. I am sure that was only a terrible coincidence but, no, you can't do any supplemental work to make up for that 15% you have lost not showing up and coming to class only to write exams.

Love and lies,

PHdL.

PS: next time you write me and you start your email with "hey miss" I will not even bother to answer you.

I am not dead... yet!

2010-11-20T16:43:00.003-05:00

I disappeared from the blogosphere it has been almost two months. My fault, a lot of work and too many unbloggable issues here. And if I couldn't blog about them, I felt I couldn't blog at all. The issues were both work and family related and I preferred giving it time to go away.

Work has also kept me unbelievably busy. I have 4 courses, more than 140 students this semester, piles and piles of corrections, no TA, and I have already participated in two conferences, organized two others and planned a article and two book reviews. All this left me for zero time to blog, either I was simply too tired or too upset or too exhausted. Now that the semester is again under control (Two more weeks and it's finally over!), I hope to find more time to do so.

In all this mess, finally after almost unexpectedly a generous donation arrived for my section, the BB (Big Boss, aka Department Chair) decided to go ahead and push for my position to become permanent. I can't tell you it is done, it will have to be approved at the highest spheres but I hope it will be done.

Just in case and to leave all options opened, I have just sent today an application for another job and next week another one will be sent out. I am very curious to know how they will be received and what kind of reaction (if any) they will sparkle. I am curious because last week a very strange thing happened. I am responsible for a kind of a mailing list in my field and I had to send out a CFP for a conference. A couple of hours later a New Colleague From R1U here, wrote me back thinking I was the organizer, which I am not. So not only hir sent me a proposal but sent me a CV instead of a bio. So I looked at the cv and I was stunned, I thought that R1 was extremely picky and was recruiting candidates very well published only. Well, apparently not only they don't, but also this confirm the rumor going around here that NCFromR1 was brought in as a political move because the person who was there before was a "danger" to an extremely lazy department. Now the guy in question moved on the other side of the planet after he was not reconfirmed, and all I can say is good for him! But when NCfromR1 came around everyone thought hir was a "hot shot". Now, when we all met the new hot shot, everyone was paralyzed by the heavy accent in English (for heaven sake, hir has a very heavy accent in his mother tongue!), the pronunciation problem that does not help and the ego, apparently bigger than the first two issues. Another colleague in my department told me that this person is becoming more and more full of hirslef and is alienating everybody around hir.

What can I say? That a little humility is not a bad thing.

Now back to class prep. If I can do it today I will have a smoother day tomorrow.

I am back, and I hope I won't have to take again such a long time off!

New beginnings

2010-09-02T17:49:00.002-04:00

It is that time of the year in which all should be new and we should be excited about the new academic year.

Well, I am not! It is the first time ever I don't have butterflies in my stomach, I don't feel the joy of moving forward another year. If it was up to me I would just add at least 6 additional months to August (that is just gone!) or I could wake up in 8-9 months from now again in spring waiting for a new summer. I know it's pretty boring and pathetic. Yesterday I taught my first class. It was prepared, the students were fun. I just did, I was happy and engaged while I was doing it and then I wrapped it up and came home. But I had no excitement. It felt like the same old, same old.

We are taking a weekend off and we will be back on Monday. I will take some time to think about things and maybe I will start to find ways to get my groove back.

Have you ever feel this way?

Not too fast, not too slow

2010-08-30T17:40:00.003-04:00

Well, there was one thing that was supposed to be sent out today, at least this is what I thought. And then, when the send button was already pressed someone said, no, we should have waited. Well, now it's out to a full mailing list. Last time I was to slow to hit send, now too fast. I wish they could send their f.......g messages on their own.

If only people would be able to say in a clear way: now, tomorrow or in three days.

And we didn't even started the academic year, I already want to dig a hole and put myself into it.....

Meeting

2010-08-09T17:47:00.003-04:00

Today I had a meeting in a very familiar place I collaborate with. I was enchanted once again by what they are doing and how much I like it. During the conversation it was mentioned that there will be something -maybe- coming up in a local university and it would be a great opportunity for me. I have been asked: "you want an academic career, right?".

The answer was "yes!". My own answer made me think about it and how much it is important to put things in perspective in difficult moments.

This is not a sprint, it is a marathon. And if it is a marathon, then it is all mental.

Sometime I get into the crying over my own shoulder while the only intelligent things to do should be the following:

-stop feeling like a victim! EXPLANATION: Yes, I am overworked, yes I log in long days and long hours (my regular tenured colleagues are teaching 2/2, to give you an example, I do a minimum of 3/3, sometimes 4/4), but you know what: fuck them, it's all experience!

- start feeling like a scholar: I had impostor syndrome sinceI moved here. You know what? It is time to leave it behind and to move on. I can be insecure, maybe I can even feel like it is hard from day to day, but I have made my proofs, it's time to live up to it!

- start THINKING like a scholar: put research first. After all my work has always been appreciated until now, I have receive request for collaboration, etc. I can handle this.

- start ACTING like a scholar: protect MY research time.

- continue to work hard: it takes time but it is not done in 5 minutes!

This is what I was thinking about today.

My mantra:

Keep running...

Things to do

2010-08-06T11:07:00.004-04:00

I have decided that I should start to log in my productivity here. At least for the summer. I know that once the semester is starting it won't be possible. So today I have to:

- file some stuff and get my desk in better shape (it has piles of bills, papers, stuff I really don't need there, so it has to go)

- finish reading some articles I have downloaded for both my Conference and my article

- write down the structure for both (I know what I want to say and how I want to say it, so at least I am not starting from scratch)

I have a question for all of you: what do you use for your bibliography? EndNote, Zotero, anything else? Let me know. I am currently using EndNote but there is always something I am not happy about. Anyway, I should get started in order to have all these things ready for Monday. As for the summer I really refuse to work on weekends. Tomorrow we have a friend visiting and Sunday we are off to visit a friend in the country with some other friends and doggies. It will be a very fun weekend. Oh, I will also visit the gym. I need to get back to where I was in June in order to pick up running again. Because of my long long silence I didn't have a chance to mention that my doctor found out in my blood test that I have a super high rheumatoid factor and I will be seeing a specialist in the next couple of weeks. Let's see what that will be!

Summer hiatus

2010-08-05T16:36:00.004-04:00

What was I saying the last time I wrote on my blog? That is has been a marathon in May.... well, there was another one in June and then came July and the holidays!!!!! Yay!

I can't even tell you how happy I was about that and how much they were needed. I left for Europe and my brain was like pudding, I desperately needed to take some time away.

In order to explain all the tension, the headeaches and the stress, I have to add there were too many things that went on at the department and I really struggled in what I could write in this blog (or not) that made me take the easiest way out: I thought there were too many unbloggable issues there and I preferred not to talk about them in the heat of the moment.

It's very complicated but to put it in the simplest way: someone didn't play fair and the issue over a permanent contract is right now explosive. There has been a lot of work related to this issue, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of frustration regarding people who are not playing it fair but are simply abusing power (just to give you an example not related to me personally and please tell me this isn't a nightmare!, have you ever heard about someone being hired without an interview because hir is closely related to someone already in? THAT should give you the idea of what is going on) for their own purposes. Anyway, I can't get into greater details but let me be open about what I can express and these are my feelings.

I needed the summer to recharge my mental and physical batteries. I took some time out in July, voluntarily, in order to clean my head. I came back happy, rested and with a clear idea that no matter what will happen in the future I will be open and still happy to whatever the future brings. If I will stay, I will stay, if I will go I will go. But I will still choose to be a happy person and to keep my integrity. I am not ready to sell out.

As for now, I am back and I am trying to put together a schedule for an intense month of August.

There are a couple of projects that came along:

- article asked after a Big Conference. Wow, I am pleased and happy about it. But there is a lot of research and work involved to make this the best possible article on the topic.

- conference prensentation for October: some ideas are already there, some should still be explored

- organization of two events with well known writers: I am excited about it but it requires a lot of administrative work and time

- another smaller conference for the end of October

- I go back and I will teach a 4/3 load this year because the 4th course is still at Toxic U. This will allow me to ask for funding and t put some money aside for the summer.

This week I have still played with time and organization but I will soon get into action. And, by the way, the weather is very very hot down here. It's hard to focus with that. Summer is in full swing and I love it.

Sorry if I disappeared, I will try to be more present. :)

Hello world!

2010-05-26T11:08:00.002-04:00

I am not dead! I have been awfully busy and it will be over in 5 days. Summer class will be over and the Big Conference I am hosting will be over.

I have a lot to tell you, but I need another week to finish everything before summer will start for real for me. With it a lot of projects.

I wish I could have written more, but trust me, I was running a marathon every day.

The semester is finally OVER! + RBOC

2010-04-12T12:44:00.003-04:00

Thursday last week was my last teaching day. Which means that the semester is finally OVER!!!!! Whhoo hoooo!!!

My students have their finals only in the last week of April and I resume teaching for the month of May at Toxic U. Today I have to check with Administrator if there is a slight chance to switch for a better scheduled class (instead than 4 nights a week for 1 month it will be 2 nights a week for 2 months). I truly hope this will be the case.

Over the weekend I gave my conference at BigCongress and it went extremely well. My panel was great, I met very interesting colleagues and it was a fun experience.

This coming week the Departmental Meeting from Hell will take place. It will be the time when the Department will decide about its hiring priorities for the next 3 years. I will be there and listening because I will have to make up my mind and decide what to do. Even if until June I won't know what I might be able to teach at Toxic U, so I am in no rush. It's only after that moment I will be able to have a clearer picture of what is going on here and there.

For now, I will have to:

-clean my desk because it looks like a post-atomic spectacle

-clean, file and store all the material and stuff related to this academic year

-have a look at the new manual for the summer course, and finalize it

-write a post-doc application (yes, there is one that came up and I will give it a try, just to hear comments on my project)

-prepare May Conference

-start writing a Research Proposal a bit more elaborated and plan a book

-read, read, read

-exercise, exercise and exercise (because the Winter semester always leave a couple of pounds, damn it!)

-enjoy free weekends (this is my goal for the summer, I do not want to work on weekends!)

Happy Easter!

2010-04-03T12:05:00.003-04:00

Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE meeting

2010-04-03T11:38:00.002-04:00

Well, we did survive, but Colleague and I were pretty pissed with the outcome of the meeting, for which we worked soooo hard. Chair does not want to hear us nor our reasons. The Commitee has already made its decisions in advance. We arrived with a very strong document, they said no for stupid reasons and got into an impasse. For now we at 0-0. No score has been made. There is still a Departmental meeting in which decisions will be voted and could be overturned. (I am sorry I can't give you more details).

To my personal point of view it does not look good. I don't know what can be done but I don't think we'll get anywhere. And in my experience with Stubborn Administration, you have to fight it when the momentum is there (what we are doing now) but if decisions are not overturned quickly, there is no hope. Fight when you can and if it does not go anywhere, move forward. Think at the future, go ahead, let them stay in their little dark hole.

Last year I have seen a friend of mine in a very similar position lose her health over her case and I am NOT next. I am so not next that I am considering my options. I mentioned Toxic U. June is the month when I will know what courses will be available. I'll have a look and then I will decide. If decisions won't be overturned, I will have two options:

a) stay an additional year and then find something else = a lot of work, a lot of teaching, little time and a lot of stress

b) go adjuncting at Toxic U = more time, more research and better life quality

Guess which one I will pick? But because it is still early, I am not making a decision right now.

The irony of it all: Chair sent me right after the meeting a note from Dean who received a message from an ex-student of mine in whiche Stu was telling what an amazing professor I was. Chair even congratulated me........ I cound't help it but answering that, yes, it was great, but receiving this message was as surprising as it was ... ironic (the same day in which they want to cut my position, is ironic, or what?). It just reminded me of Morrisette's song. I had it in my haed all day long....

Waiting

2010-03-28T11:28:00.004-04:00

I don't have any news to post here. Last week letting dealt with other things and the topic (and the discussion) has been postponed for this coming week. Nothing is clear. Nor the criteria. On the top of all that have found out that someone else with a similar contract was -apparently- able to get privileges that no one else have. I am extremely upset about it. I always tough that rules were the same for everybody, but apparently here rule are only applied if the big boss say so. I am sorry I can't go into details but what I find the most incredible is that there is no transparency at all in this process and rules and fabricated only to benefit some. And this raises a lot of objections. As soon as I know something, I will post about it. For now it is only a disheartening waiting game.

For the question if I should stay: I am waiting to decide. For now I think that I will stay but I will keep other doors open. We'll see.......

I am almost done with one article and after this is out of the way I will prepare Conference1 (in two weeks it is here!).

The semester is over in 2 weeks. I can't wait for that to happen. :)))))

Should I stay or should I go?

2010-03-19T11:51:00.003-04:00

It is a busy period of the year. The semester's end fast approaches and other deadlines are involved at the end of March, one of which is the presentation of a document to an internal committee, document that will describe the orientation of my section and future plans. With future plans we are speaking about possible hires and yes, that is of interest. The section is positive and asked for an extended contract and a tt. Both of them were turned down. Apparently the chair praised highly of my cv but cut the possibility of a stable position because there is another section in need with less resources.

(The following explanation might not stay up here for long)

We have 4 full-time tts in my section plus me (contract edition). Only 1 of the tts (plus me) is involved in research. Two tts are in their seventies with no retirement plan in view. No publications. No research. Teaching half load only. None knows how to use a computer. They don't even have answering machines in their offices. They don't used technology. They don't attend conferences. One does not even hold a Ph.D. But they are up to the Associate rank. YC can't do anything because they block any initiative that comes out. I am a bit luckier maybe because I am the only woman in the picture who arrived after they did not support my candidature but earned their respect being professional and working hard. But if they don't move, I will not be able to get in (let me tell you form a strict administrative point, rightfully so). YC and I are meeting with chair next week. We want to have the cards on the table because only the week before something else happened and now everything has changed again. this matter will be clarified and I will know what will happen. Which is, after all, good. I prefer to find out that no position will be available next year now rather than wait for nothing.

Which will present me with the following dilemma: should I stay or should I go? I have just renewed my contract for another (and last) year. If I stay I enjoy the benefit of going on the market with my position and a better salary. If I go, basically back to Toxic U, I keep my seniority, teach less and have way more free time for research. I'll go on the market as an adjunct. I will have the time to publish, read and write more (and have a life?). This year I wanted to apply for a post doc and I didn't have the time to do that while working full time. I don't even know if I will have the time to apply for jobs if working full time.

So, what should I do? Should I stay or should I go?

Comments are welcomed!

March, finally!

2010-03-03T17:07:00.004-05:00

Finally it's March. I couldn't take February anymore. The short days, the cold, everything seems to lead up to the remote idea of spring. It will still take a while before we will get there and right now I am swamped with administrative stuff, I spend my day in front my screen taking care of everything but my projects. I feel really upset about this and I feel guilty because my energy levels are so low, when I should have the time, I just collapse and my brain is too tired to put the pieces together. Plus, part of the administrative job is crappy in itself. And part of my research sits there, looking sadly at me, neglected.

Is this what I really wanted? I think the answer is no, but in the last couple of weeks I have learned about so many people laid off and people without a job, that I say to myself that I should just shut up and stick with it. On a mailing list in my field, there was a thread going on about jobs and how the academic market isn't tight, it's basically not existent! Someone mentioned 500 job applications and a long 10 years period of adjuncting before getting a position. I wonder if I can endure that, I wonder if this is the life I want. I know I want part of it, I know I am good at part of it, but is this really what I want? It's hard to say because honestly I don't know. I have good days and bad days. Moments when I feel I can accomplish everything and moments when I feel like a total failure.

Maybe spring will bring some more positive thoughts and some more energy to work with. Spring is a delicate moment when you feel the changes in the air but you are not there yet. I know it will be a long and extremely busy month of the year. But the light at the end of the tunnel is near. Four more weeks for the winter semester is all I have to endure. And I have to learn that I am capable of handling what comes along, I can live with the stress and if I can do that, I can become a better scholar. Because if you can survive hell (sorry I can't give out more details), the rest will just be a breeze. There will be a path when the snow will melt that will lead somewhere. Spring shoud not be that far away.

Relief

2010-02-24T10:38:00.002-05:00

I was supposed to have a lunch on Friday with some Colleagues but it has been canceled.
What a relief! It was really not how I intended to spend the afternoon and I am very happy it was canceled. More time for me. I have been extremely tired lately and even I go to sleep early, I then wake up at around 3 am only to fall back asleep around 5:30. The alarm goes off at 6:15 and I am groggy and in a fog all day long.

I am stressed. I have just heard about another layoff in my field. I wonder what will happen in the future. Number of positions opened this year in Canada in my field? Just 1, a temporary one. I wonder what it all means for me and other young professors. It is very scary. Now back to writing!

Spring break

2010-02-22T13:54:00.002-05:00

Finally it is here. Spring break! One week without classes and courses to teach! I am sooo relieved....... Lately I was so overwhelmed by things and so tired I was falling asleep at 8:00 at night!

I will be mostly home writing and finishing (hopefully) an article!

And as far as spring goes in Canada, we are expecting quite a lot of snow!

I have a new "job"

2010-02-09T19:07:00.004-05:00

Friday I went on campus for a conference, went out for lunch with a Colleague and when while coming back in our building I met one of our assistants with someone else who was walking a puppy, a future guide dog, a small black lab playful as ever. Sooo cute!

I mentioned that to the assistant today that the puppy was the cutest ever and she told me that the owner is looking for people who would like to walk the puppy from time to time. She gave me the owner name and I went to see her and there she was, the super cute puppy. And yes, I have a new "job", I can walk the puppy every Tuesday, if I want to.

I can't resist puppy love!!!! My beautiful monster will be jealous that I have a new furry friend!

When is reading week?

2010-02-07T14:46:00.003-05:00

The last two weeks have been terrible. I had the longest sore throat thing ever. It lasted three weeks and the last one was particularly painful. I was waking up at night three or four times with pain in my throat. I feel good only since Saturday and I think this has had an impact on my productivity and everything else.

Right now, I am digging my way out of a pile of corrections (more to come next week) and I am counting the days until spring break. Two more weeks.

Plus, I think I will have to teach a summer class at Toxic U. If I don't in the summer, I could wait until September. That will be the last chance because if I don't do it, I will lose my seniority there. And if I do, I won't have a plan B if Downtown U can't keep me there next year.

The problem is the summer courses are in May and June, 3 hours a day, 4 days a week. There is a possibility of splitting the course with someone else, if TU Director would move her butt to check into the matter. I am not so sure she will. In which case, well, I can only teach this damn summer class and get over it! At least I will make good money for my future travel plans. Actually I was thinking that for the pay check is the only thing I am interested in. I know it's sad (does that make me a bad teacher?), but hey, I will have already taught 6 courses by April and this would be like adding 2 more.

If I do it, I will have to be extremely strict with time and organization. Because I still have a research agenda and research plans I want to work on this summer. I am a bit discouraged by all this. Then I think that at least I have a plan B and I should just not complain about it.

Whatever you think, please do wish me luck for those two months. I'll be dead after that. And I will leave for Europe right after. YAY!!!!!!!

PS: maybe a two times a week class will open up and I might be able to teach that instead. Please keep your fingers crossed!

Feeling crappy 2

2010-01-23T15:14:00.002-05:00

Forget the fancy restaurant. I am home with 3 sweaters on (and we live in a warm apartment!) and now I have a cold coming up. Goodbye weekend! I am staying home drinking hot tea and reading. Not so bad, as I have realized I really have a LOT of books I should be reading for my research and more to come (I have ordered some today).

We will postpone the date due to the fact that I don't taste food as I should. I am totally off and there is no reason to go out if I can't enjoy it properly. I can't wait to be back to normal. I am getting impatient..........

Feeling crappy

2010-01-22T10:04:00.003-05:00

For years I was always sick at the very end of the semester: I was a virus magnet. Now this year I have a new trend: getting sick at the beginning of the semester, which is probably the worst idea ever. In September I had a super bad cough that stayed with me for 4 weeks. How nice.... And now I am home with fever, cough and a strep throat.

It all started a couple of days ago, I was feeling weird, tired and aching. Yesterday morning even walking our Doggie was painful (I have never had that feeling before) and when I arrived home from the morning walk, I had some fever. Nice, on the day you have to be on campus and teach 3 courses. I had some Advil and went out. I don't want to miss any of my classes because if I do I will have to teach after the end of the semester and that means right after BigConference. Yesterday night I was miserable and today I still feel a bit off but hopefully I'll be better soon. And so much for having had the H1N1 vaccine. You get vaccinated and then you get sick from something else. Great!

Aside from that, my classes are going well. In Class 1 I have a group of lazy Students, but my plan is to give them even more homework so if they do not do the assignment they will be cut off from the conversation. And yes, I am taking notes if they do or don't. By the way, Students, take notice: if we are 13 in class it's not so hard for me to know if you did or not your homework.

Class 2 and 3 are just fine. Good, because I need to work on Article 1 and on Big Conference. My Chair will be at the same conference and presenting right before I do. If he decides to pass by, I might as well be prepared. :)

Back to work, but first I'll make a super hot tea with honey and ginger. I need this fever to go away. Tomorrow night I have a date with my Husband to a hot restaurant in town and I want to be presentable. We met 10 years ago on a winter day....... I am so delighted!

Research organized

2010-01-18T15:49:00.001-05:00

I have finally organized tons of bibliographic records that were on different files on my Mac. Now I will have to update a couple of things on the portable and then I am good to go.

Today it's the first time I don't wake up stressed/anxious for the week. Hopefully it's good sign.

Slow blogging

2010-01-15T10:33:00.005-05:00

Since the semester started I have been either: busy with courses and/or administrative issues or trying to figure out how to organize my time. I have thought a lot about my research too, where do I want to go from here. I wanted to apply to a prestigious post-doc but, as usual, I had no more time on my hand to prepare the project.

And then reality struck me: it's always the same problem, and this is lack of time. Now, it's true I have moments in the semester that are busy and there are deadlines but if I read fellow bloggers, you guys are as busy as I am but probably you put research first, or if not first, you carve in some regular time to do it and to think about and to articulate it.

I, on the other hand, often procrastinate and I can be very erratic with it. That does not mean I don't do it or that I am not trying to be productive (by the way I received an acceptance for an article proposal, now I have 3 months to write it), but I need to carve some my-research-don't-touch-it time for myself on a regular basis.

There is a big grant competition next academic year I want to try so I have to start early. And early means now. I have to decide where I want to go from here. If I do this not only I will have a clearer idea where I would like to go but also I might come up with a book proposal to send to an editor and this would be really good.

I want to set up my calendar so that during the week I have 3 afternoons dedicated to research. I teach 3 courses twice a week so it shouldn't be that much of a problem because all the courses are all prepared (I love to teach for the second time the same thing, boy, that's great!). I still change things, I still make some presentations better but I am done with the big prep. for this semester. And I have to come to terms that if I can work only 2 afternoons on it, that's still good for a difficult week, and I have to keep aiming at 3.

This is not a sprint but a marathon, there's a long way to go.

On the top of that there's a couple of Unbloggable Issues I would love to write about.

Ok, UI1: when you are asked (and the rest of your faculty) by the Chair of your department about something and it's not clear. You ask the Chair about your doubts. Chair answers back not clearly but saying that, as usual, the Fac. did not reach a common decision and Chair would really like to know your thoughts about it. You, then, answer highlighting why you have taken that particular decision and Chair answers that your thought process is really interesting and will definitely use it when the time will come to reach a decision. Well, if I can figure it out, maybe it would be time that someone else will mention it to Fac. and make them work on more scientific basis than their own personal will. (I know it's vague, but that's all I can say)

UI2: poof!

And the semester is starting... again!

2010-01-04T15:53:00.002-05:00

Thank you all for your kind wishes!

I can't believe tomorrow I am back in the classroom. Last semester I had a lot of anxious students and they took a lot of my energy, that I am still not ready again to deal with them.

The holidays were fun, but too short! Please, can we add another couple of days to the calendar? I am NOT ready to go back to work, I actually just started enjoying the holidays!!!!!!!

We spent a couple of days with the in-laws for Christmas and then we came back here before NYE. We had a lovely dinner, played with the new x-box (I know, very mature!) and we saw some friends in the following days. But still I can't shake off the feeling that I am so NOT ready to go back.

Tomorrow i start my new schedule: I teach T-Thursd 3 classes each. At least I don't have to be on campus more than that unless it's needed and the rest of the time I can work on my stuff.

Reading other blogs, I was inspired by theme searching and I spent some time to think about it. This year for me is all about being centered. I have realized that if I spend/waste too much time on things I should be dealing with in less time/better way, I get frustrated. Being centered for me means being able to put myself first. And with this it means giving a little less time to things I know are coming out well (like teaching) and invest more in what makes me grow as a scholar and as a person. If I sacrifice myself all the the time I end up feeling grumpy and guilty (because I should be doing this and that). You know what? We only live once and I prefer to do what I want to do instead than waiting for someone else needs, and this applies to my private life as well as my academic life. Being centered will allow me not to follow colleagues in their cycle of negativity and to follow my research interests. I am actually proud of myself because something happened over the holidays and I made what I think is the best decision for me: I received an e-mail from the Director of SameStudies Department from AnotherDowntownUButR1. I spent three years there, doing research and teaching and then I left for Toxic U to finish my PhD there because I wanted to work and learn in a different and more articulated department. Now Director of SSD wrote me to ask me if I could be teaching course X and course Y. Y sounded interesting but if I do this I wont be able to prepare for BigConference1, write Article 1 and prepare Conf2. And as much as I like to give a hand, I thought about it and then Husband pointed out to me: "another teaching line on your c.v. won't make a difference, a publication will". He was right. So I politely declined the offer and I decided that I need to be centered on my research and focus on my objectives for 2010.

I wish you all a good start!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T17:34:00.001-05:00

May the New Year be filled with health, happiness and joy for all of you!

The semester is officially OVER

2009-12-22T16:23:00.003-05:00

Grades are ALL in. Exams too. We are packing and we'll be away for a couple of days. Hopefully I will have a little time to post.

Happy holidays everyone!

Grading is done (for this week)

2009-12-16T10:06:00.003-05:00

Grading is finally done until Friday when I will receive another bunch of exams. I will correct them over the weekend and then finally the semester will be over. I had planned a couple of fun things this week but after the flu shot I felt like a train run over me. Husband complained about a very sore arm, which I had only the first night. But then it was extreme fatigue, some light fever, shivers and nausea. Yesterday I had to go on campus because I had some meetings scheduled but only getting dressed seemed like an effort. I crawled back home totally exhausted for lunch and then I was agonizing over some last corrections. Boy, if I had know this in advance, I would have waited for the flu! So today I have canceled everything because yesterday I was really feeling sick and wiped out.

Today it's a bit better but I thought I needed a mental health day. I am staying home, finishing up my projects and taking a break. I need to take care of myself a little more and I need to find the time to exercise more again for my mental health to keep stress at bay. So today I am putting in the grades and then I work on my stuff. No phone calls, no nothing. And I will take a needed nap. It's time to relax and stop running around.

Digging out from the pile of corrections

2009-12-13T15:57:00.003-05:00

I have almost graded 25 exams and now I have another 35-some to go. I hate grading, have I told you this before?

Today Husband and I went to get the H1N1 vaccine despite all that is said around. My doctor recommend it only for the reason that I am surrounded by people almost all the time. And while atthe clinic I ran into a student of mine who was taking the vaccine too. What did you decide about that?

And, yes, I hate grading!

Ouch!

2009-12-03T10:29:00.003-05:00

My back hurts. I think I pinched a nerve and now I feel like someone is stabbing me. And it's the last day of the semester and it's raining hardly. I feel like going back to bed. I would almost do it but I have promised my students to go out for a bite after the last class.

I am so relieved it's the end of the semester! Yay!!!!

On the other hand, there has been a lot of other things cluttering my brain: an international agreement to be signed, students sick with H1N1, I have sent a proposal for an article, sent the proofs for another one out, and getting ready for my conference next week. Plus a couple of unbloggable things and I need to find the time to write about it in a very general way. Maybe later on.....

It has been a long semester so far and tomorrow with the last departemental meeting it is finally over.

Well, there are still finals to be corrected and this will take place later on in December. Almost there.......

So far so good

2009-11-29T16:43:00.003-05:00

Again, I have been sucked into the million things that needed to be done. This weekend I have so far:

-graded 74 exams

-wrote an article proposal

-prepared the last week of classes (YES!!!!!!!!)

-read a book for a conference I am giving in two weeks

-reviewed and submit the outlines for 3 classes for next semester.

What I have to do in December:

-grade a bunch of exams (more to come on this topic)

-read, rewrite and submit two articles

-read, read, read all the books piling up in my library

For today, I am done!

If I am not posting

2009-11-20T12:53:00.002-05:00

It is because I have been extremely busy. I am organizing a national congress here in DownTown U for my SocietyofInterestingStudies and I was busy, busy, busy getting all things done.

And wen that happened, then an international agreement fell on my desk and I have been working at it for the last week. That means that in the meantime I have to squeeze in time for teaching preparation, working on the winter syllabus, preparing for Conference 1 coming up in 3 weeks and try to breath while correcting, correcting, correcting. Last weekend only I had about 100 composition to correct. And by the end of it I felt almost sick.

This weekend is better but MIL and FIL are passing by (obviously at the busiest moment of the year!) and I desperately need to get some work done as well as trying to sleep. I have not been sleeping well lately. I guess my anxiety derives from the juggling of all these things together but I am pretty much tired and stressed out. I feel like there is no time to do anything else but working, and I miss working out to release this pressure (and exercise do help me sleep). What do you do when you are stressed out? Any strategy?

Now back to correcting exams. Next week 60 more are coming in. Two more weeks to go.

Perplexity

2009-11-06T14:16:00.004-05:00

This week I decided to send a document to YC, something regarding our language curriculum for which I am responsible. I asked him some comments and feedback. All I got back was a brief "maybe we should talk about it". Ok, I asked if we could meet on a day we are both on campus. No answer to that.

But I knew that on one particular day we are both on campus so I just waited and on day x I walked into YC's office and asked him some details about it. YC replied that maybe things shouldn't be formulated like this and asked me if I knew Z's work. Now let me tell you this is something YC does all the time. Quoting others. YC is very good at that! Not exactly, was my answer.

-Oh, YC replied, let me show you this pyramid. I have learnt this stuff when I took a seminar. Ok then, I read quickly what he shows me and I just replied that yeah, that's ok but when you have to apply this theory into practical matters like this one, there are some categories that don't apply and we should look more into the direction I wrote about instead that what he showed me. I also pointed out that there are different need for our classes we should take into account.

Then YC started to look for a book.

-Here it is, based on the European language Framework-, so YC opened it up and said that we should then use this categorization. I agreed on the idea but pointed out that we can't list all the abilities he had in the chapter because it would have been too long and we should keep it short. That was a good starting point, but I did take this into consideration in what I did and I did follow that but I adapted it to our needs. (at this point of the conversation I started doubting he even read what I have sent him!)

-Ok, then, YC replied, let's send this document to the person in charge of the centre for better teaching at Downtown U. At that point I had my share. Yes let's give always the work to somebody else, let's quote other people work without understanding it fully and then let's just copy and paste everything else and do exactly what we are NOT asking our students to do. Let's follow things by the book without understanding the problem and regurgitate whatever a book is telling us to do and, wait, let's not be too critical and do not adapt a single point for what our needs are. Let's impress people with the fact we know a thousand authors but we didn't understood a single one of them.

At the end of the meeting I was just frustrated and this lead to nowhere. I just ended it saying that next week I will meet some colleague in another language and I will try to work out a solution with this person because we share similar problems.

Time lost: an hour. No comment or ideas came out of it. Sometimes I wonder what the hell am I doing there.

Einstein said:

"Any fool can know. The point is to understand. "

Turning back the clock

2009-11-01T12:27:00.003-05:00

I wonder why if I turned back the clock today and I should be gaining an hour, I feel like I have too many things to do and too little time as always. Go figure........

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning."
Albert Einstein (Relativity: The Special and the General Theory)

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T11:36:00.000-04:00

Snow!

2009-10-23T11:14:00.001-04:00

The picture says it all! This is the lake this morning and the white stuff is SNOW!

Things to do

2009-10-23T11:11:00.003-04:00

-Correct exams from Class 1

-Correct exams from Class 2

-Prepare Class 1, 2 and 3

-Finish final exams and getting them ready

-Translate 5 pags of my own article for a European publisher

-Prepare for next week's tutorial

-Polish off Article 1

I am upset Article 1 always ends up at the bottom of the list......

And because I am procrastinating

2009-10-20T09:18:00.004-04:00

I thought that a pic of our Puppy would fit this purpose. Here he is in the hoodie we had to buy to cover his stitches. He's pretty funny and very very sweet. Saturday the vet will take the stitches out and he should be fine and ready to go back to his daycare.

Right now I should

2009-10-20T09:14:00.003-04:00

Take a shower
get dressed
get class prep together
review an exam for one of this week classes

Instead I am in front of the computer procrastinating. The beginning of a migraine does not help either. I will ingest two Advils and try to get moving.

Rumors

2009-10-16T12:52:00.002-04:00

Our Puppy keeps getting better. Today he had a wonderful run in the park and was so happy playing in the grass. When you see a dog running free it's a very fulfilling moment. It's seeing nature developing under your eyes, being able to see freedom and happiness at its purest state. We as human beings we filter a lot what's happening around us, animals have this pure sense of being there in the moment, living it with such an intensity we can only admire.

It's a zen like feeling for me and when you have this direct contact with nature, it makes me think about how we filter our environment and how we process things that are happening around us. And we can only learn to stay balanced and centered in the moment. No, this isn't a zen lesson, but it's how I am trying to approach things.

There have been rumors about cuts and I have been told in an unofficial way from YC that the next in line could be my job. The Chair was cautious about it a couple of weeks ago, he told me how much he likes what I am doing and how much it is appreciated but the faculty might not have the budget to transform my position into a more permanent one. When YC said that, I was not surprised. I can't go into details about what's going on, but let's say that the faculty is right in saying that they can't afford me if they have so many other "dead" expenses. I will meet with the Chair in a couple of weeks again, because I would like to clarify the situation and see what can be done if there is anything that can be done. I am trying to be zen here and to take one moment at a time and live in the present. I have a plan B which is going back to teach at Toxic U. it's not the best back up plan, but at least is there.

And when YC in his usual way asked me "what are we going to do after you are gone? How the programs will survive?", I could only answer that that was not MY problem.

I can only take one problem at a time.

A quick update

2009-10-13T09:30:00.004-04:00

It's a new week starting after a long weekend. We did cancel our plans to go away so we relaxed with our big Puppy at home. I think on Saturday I slept in 10 hours straight, I was so tired from the previous week. It has not happened in a very long time.

Thank you for the nice comments and good wishes for our puppy. Doggie is getting better every day. The stitches and the wound is closing, he is having his energy back. Today it's the first day I let him run a little bit and let me tell you, he was truly happy. Part husky, running is what he does best. And from time to time he does his "crazy run": he turns on himself all alone and make a silly face with his tongue hanging out and then he speeds up as much as he can. He's pretty funny. We played with a stick for a little under the rain and I am happy to see him moving again. We had to buy him some t-shirts in order to keep the wound protected. (in the pic you can see him with his cone over his head, a precaution we are taking when we are leaving him home alone).

On the academic front, I worked all long weekend. I had a lot of class prep to do and to catch up for. Some corrections (have I told you how much I hate grading??????) and I also had to prepare some final exams. I can't believe this is the first week my days belong to myself again. I don't have to run, I don't have to rush. It feels good. I am falling behind with research, though. I have received the proofs for one article and it will come out shortly (YAY!!!!) but I have to spend some time on one chapter from the dissertation in order to make it publishable. So many things to do and so little time.

Poor puppy!

2009-10-09T16:00:00.003-04:00

Yesterday night we went to pick up our lovable Puppy, 9 stitches and a thousand $ later he can come home with a weird haircut and a cone on his head. Plus 10 days of antibiotic. And another appointment in 15 days to check the stitches. The vet had to put a drainage on the wound and qualified it as "a really nasty bite". That pissed me off even more. I know the Other dog owner tries to be responsible, but next time, please be responsible by putting your dog on a leash or to put a muzzle on him.

I don't want my puppy to be hurt anymore. The poor thing slept all day and is in the recovering process. I am still pissed off. And.......... I love my dog very much!

I am not dead,

2009-10-07T12:23:00.003-04:00

just exhausted! Never ever have visitors in a busy time of the year! My friend came, stayed, and is now gone. She is very sweet but she wasn't very independent. Then my father, he will be leaving tomorrow. No time to spend with him. Not good.

Our furry monster was bitten yesterday by another dog. He's at the vet, he got stitches and I am just upset about the fact someone with an aggressive dog lets him circulate on a place where all other dogs are peaceful and playful. F..K! My poor doggie will come home maybe Thursday or Friday and I am upset.

There are new budgetary concerns at DownTown U and this is a major problem for me. My contract should be renewed this year without too much fuzz but next year is crucial to transform it in a more permanent position. But the money might not be there. I need to prepare a Plan B which is going back to Toxic U to teach. I am not fond of this idea but it is all I can think of right now.

The job market is just simply awful. In my discipline there are 12 positions opened for all North America. A couple of them are for a Chair, some for Associate, and only 2 or 3 for Assistant Professor, obviously in a specialization very different than mine.

I need to keep working, I am exhausted!

I am still around

2009-09-25T09:45:00.003-04:00

I am extremely busy. Days passes by, like yesterday:

-general meeting at 10:30 until 13:00 (lunch included, that's a bonus)

- teaching 13:00 until 2:30

-meeting with a student until 3

-meeting with the chair until 4

-teaching until 5:30

-working as a translator from 7 to8

-dinner

-walked the dog

-dropped in my bed at 11

-wake up at 6:15

Husband is away and he wikll come back tonight. He will meet a VeryGoodFriend at the airport and they both will come home. I have VGF visiting next week and I will be away from the blog. Hopefully after that things will get back to normal.

Monday morning

2009-09-14T14:16:00.002-04:00

I am home. I am not required to go to campus on Monday, so I work very comfortably from home. I love this.

This morning was a very productive morning. I have finally sent out a translation I was supposed to do for an upcoming event, I wrote two conference proposals and I just received an email saying that the journal I wanted to submit my article this summer (which I never did, because I was too lazy) is still accepting submissions. And it's not that the article isn't written, it just need to be reshaped. So I started working on it and I think that by tonight I might have good draft to be reread before the end of the week and to be sent.

In the meanwhile I am addressing some technical problems my iMac seems to have. It was just so slow today it was driving me nuts.

Now I will grab a bite and then I'll go back to fragment the hard disk and work on my article. (and yes, I am so happy to have a MacBook!)

Finally a productive day!

First week

2009-09-11T11:19:00.003-04:00

It has been an incredibly active first week and I am happy to report that despite the cold, the cough and the feeling awful, I survived. in bullet form this is what happened:

-I have 3 courses this semester, they are all language courses at different levels.

-I am so lucky I have 3 very nice groups of students and there is one in particular that looks excited and happy to come to class. Wow! I feel very good about it and I am sure we will have a wonderful semester.

- I added up a tutorial with VeryGoodStudent. I wasn't expecting it but I think VGS deserves it because VGS would like to apply to graduate school after and deserves the best possible preparation

-My Moodle web sites didn't work. I had to talk to the technical support (and in the meanwhile answer tons of emails from students) and they fixed the problem.

-I think I received at least 40 emails per day this week. I couldn't believe it.

-I received a request from another U to help one of their students on a specific topic. I agreed to help the student but I still don't know how much work it will be, hopefully not much.

-I was coughing my way into the semester. This really sucks! I am getting better slowly but I still have a little bit of congestion.

-I love my schedule, I really do

-I need to find some research time and put it in my agenda as if it was a scheduled appointment every day every week.

-I need to revise two articles and send them out. I can't wait anymore, I NEED to do it

-The weather is gorgeous and I can't believe it we are back into cubicles, classrooms, etc.

-Thank God it's Friday!

WTF?

2009-09-07T10:55:00.001-04:00

Why should I have a big cold and cough right before the semester starts? As far as my long last weekend goes, I am beaten up and feverish.

Yak!

Almost there

2009-09-04T16:00:00.002-04:00

We are almost there: the beginning of the Fall semester. Tuesday is the big day, classes are starting again, students will be back on campus and excitement will be all over the place.

I love the first week of school. I always did even when I was a student. For now classes are almost prepared, the web sites are up and running, hopefully by Tuesday this nasty cold Husband passed me will be gone (I sneeze so much I don't know if it's allergy or cold anymore.... cold probably, and yes, I try to stay out of the public as much as I can). I still need to focus on the syllabus (getting ready to explain them) while finishing a couple of things.

In the meanwhile I will need to find some time for research activity and t schedule it like an appointment in my agenda. I want to send out two articles by December. And I'll try to write them as if they were research papers due for the end of the semester.

And for the Canadian readers: Happy Labour Day on Monday!

When staying calm is a good thing

2009-08-31T15:25:00.002-04:00

MR did it again..... I had to work all weekend because MR mismanaged the syllabi I was supposed to look at almost a week ago. If I pass by on a Thursday morning, why on earth I am called back in the afternoon?

Plus there is a lot more, but I am just too exhausted to write about it. On the top of it, I think I pulled a muscle during spinning and I hate that. I need to get my frustrations out.

Only 7 days before the semester begins again.

Questions anyone?

2009-08-26T15:46:00.006-04:00

-Why does the language lab call up our Moody Receptionist to know if I want to use the Lab and does not call me instead?
-Why does the mentioned MR wait before sending me the outlines I am supposed to review at the last minute? Maybe because my beautiful Colleagues were late to send them to her... Mmmmhhh, still, it has been 3 days MR has them and still no outline. Deadline is for Monday morning...
-Why should I work on weekends when MR has the time to process the work and to send it to me sooner?
-Why there is no way I can complain about MR and why should I always end up with the shitty job?
-Why do I feel like I don't want to go back to teaching and I would instead prefer to continue this super fun summer?

Note to self: wake up baby, this is life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer is almost over, are we ready........... yet?

2009-08-24T15:19:00.005-04:00

Today I passed by the office for some students evaluation. Not a big deal, everything went smoothly. But it starts to feel like classes are beginning very soon. That means summer is almost over and I am not mentally prepared for this.

Summer is always too short, time flies and I am not sure I am mentally there (=beginning of the academic year) yet. And I know, I shouldn't be complaining, I am only starting Sept. 8, due to the late Canadian Labour day. But we will finish later in December and this really screws up my plans for spending Christmas in Europe.

Summer is almost gone and I miss it already... fall is slowly coming. The campus is getting busier. I am too. I guess I am transitiong into another season and new challenges.

Sad news

2009-08-20T10:20:00.003-04:00

I received an email from my father this morning telling me that the hospital called and my grandmother passed away in the early morning today. I am very sad about the news.I spoke with my mom and she told me that things were pretty bad this week and she felt it was time to say goodbye because she was deteriorating fast and it was heartbreaking to see her.

I also feel privileged I had such a nice and long relationship with her over the years.

We will all miss her a lot. My Husband too loved her very much.

Back to research

2009-08-18T16:07:00.003-04:00

First, thank you all for your nice comments. Unfortunately my grandmother isn't doing any better and the doctors are not saying much more due to her age. I call my mom pretty often, it is difficult for her to deal with the situation. I will post more if I have any kind of news.

I was upset by this and it took me a couple of days to put my thought together and get back into research mood. Today is the very first day I have spent all morning researching and reading while taking some decisions. I have decided that I was not competing for a Big Federal Grant this year. I have just received some books from Europe on my research topic and I felt I needed to have a deeper and wider understanding of my subject. This BFG is a huge project over a 3 years span (plus a delicate budget which I really don't know how to write yet!) and I think I am not ready for it............. yet! I need to plan a little more, to read a little more and to think a little more. I don't see anything useful coming out of it if I am not applying seriously knowing what I am doing. So a good reality check on that took a lot of pressure out. I will take the following year for studying and putting ideas together while publishing on the subject.

This is why I have a question for you all: there is a call for publication for a collection of articles on a Writer I am interested in but it's not directly related to my "real" research. Should I go ahead and write it or should I just focus on my "thing"? And one more thing: is an article collection (refereed) less interesting than an article in a scholarly journal? What do you think? Comments are welcomed! :)

Trips to vet and other serious things

2009-08-07T10:58:00.007-04:00

We are dog sitting my in-laws little dog (and he's the dog we found a month and a half ago, a sweet little jack russell) and yesterday Little One hurt his paw. It's a pad that got cut and in afternoon I decided to take him to the vet. It's nothing too serious but I don't want the cut to become infected and that would be the worse case scenario (I did rinse it with antiseptic and put a bandage on, but I think my technique isn't the greatest). I will hear from the vet this morning and he should come home soon.

So we canceled our weekend in the country because I want Little One to come home and not to stay at the clinic (which meant: cancel the kennel and cancel the cat sitting).

I realized I am seeing my vet way too often! Black Cat came home with an increased dosage of medications because of her thyroid. She is 12 now and it seems we have some problems to get that under control. On the top of it, when we increase the medication, the kidneys are starting to suffer. For now she is still in good shape (and she is bossing around everybody else as usual) but I am trying to get ready to the moment when we will have to say goodbye.

I know it's early and I shouldn't be panicking but time goes by so fast and there has been a lot of bad news lately. A friend of mine broke up with her long time boyfriend, a friend of hers passed away. Plus today I spoke with my mom because she wrote me that my grandmother is critical at the hospital. When I visited her this summer she was already not going very well. She was hospitalized for a little while in July and then she came back to her nursing home. She is 94. But now things are turning for the worse and the doctors don't know how she will progress. We are all hoping she is not in pain and that she can pull it through but she seemed to me very frail this summer. So I am sending all the good vibes I can oversee.

Getting back to work

2009-08-05T17:58:00.003-04:00

A bright note: Unbloggable issue solved itself and this is good news.

Today I passed by to grab some books at the library and by the department. I spent some time chatting with the assistants and it was nice to be back in the work environment. I really like Downtown U and even if things are pretty quiet right now I am happy to pick up the vibes of the upcoming Fall semester. I have to be honest: I am very slowly getting back to work, where slowly is the word to define my working mood. But I am getting there.

This is the first time in a long one that I took almost two months off, and it's a privilege I am so happy about. I feel much better now and refreshed. I came back with a couple of ideas on things I would like to do and work on. I am probably not ready to do it all right here right now, but I know I will pick up the pace with time.

I also have to report that is nice to have Husband around all week and to have dinner together every night. For 5 years he commuted from one city or the other, he left on Sunday or Monday and then came back on Thursday night. Now it feels good to have a normal life and to share things. We are dog sitting for his parent's dog and this morning we took a very nice walk all together with our monster too. It's nice to be able to do it from time to time when we want to. It is nice to be able to plan a night at the movie during the week if we want to, or a theatre or something else.

So, all I have to say is that for the time being I am pretty content.

Weird experience of the day

2009-07-31T12:33:00.001-04:00

I was at the bank today and the teller asked me "so you're a doctor... What specialization do you have?"

....................................

I am sure it must have happened to you too.....

I am around but

2009-07-31T08:29:00.004-04:00

there's an Unbloggable issue in the air and I don't feel like writing that much. All I can say is I am frustrated and angry and I hope it solves soon. This is personal and not work related. I hope I will be back to normal soon.

In the meanwhile in one month we are going back to the normal academic year. In ONLY a month??????????????

I am back!!!!!!

2009-07-23T17:23:00.004-04:00

I am finally back home. I am so happy to be reunited with my pets and to be back into our apartment. It just feels great after a lot of moving around.

My holidays were great, we had fun, enjoyed ourselves and I got my much needed break from work. I spent time with my friend and family and it was just amazing. The only thing that was not on our side was the weather: it was cold and rainy almost every day, which is quite unusual for this time of the year. Back here in Big Canadian City it's not better at all. But I feel much better rested than when I left. And I have exciting news: Husband got a new job and he started yesterday. Not only that, he will be working for Another Downtown University here in our city!!!!! I am so happy and excited for him! Now I will have to set my mind back to work, but I will do one thing at a time. Tomorrow I am planning the coming week and I will start working again. I am excited and happy.

I hope you had all a very nice summer, so far!

From far away

2009-06-25T09:21:00.002-04:00

I am back in Europe. And for the next month I won't have the time to post that much.

The last couple of days at home went by very quickly with our little doggie friend at home. He will be adopted tomorow and Husband will be taking care of everything. He is just very very sweet.

Here the weather isn't summery at all. Cloudy and fresh. I shoudn't complain too much, I am on holiday after all! :)

I wish you alla a very nice summer. I'll be back by the end of July.

Absence

2009-06-20T17:45:00.003-04:00

It has been a while since I posted. Every time I wanted to to write something came up. Bad me!

I have been busy lately with stuff and life. Last week I took the decision that instead of dragging and not being consistent, I declared it was time for a holiday! If can't take it anymore, maybe it does mean something. And this time I decided it was the best for me to just take a plain break. I need to recharge, I need to do something else in order to come back after my trip as new! :)

I am leaving on Tuesday an right now I am in suitcase mode (what should I bring? What shouldn't I bring?).

On the top of it all, we found a lost dog roaming the park close to our place. No collar, no tags. It took us an entire day of searching and looking and patience to get him (the poor thing was very scared). We took him in yesterday night and to the SPCA today to make sure he hadn't a microchip, and unfortunately he didn't. We offered him a bath at our dog's daycare because he had been skunked previously. (yes, we took him in skunked!)

He is is good shape and resting right now. We have left notices on the web and around the park, and if someone will show up, we are keeping him until Monday and then someone will foster him when we'll go away. He's a gem, the sweetest dog ever. But we can't keep him (even if he loved our family and our pets like him a lot...... and both Husband and I love him very much). It breaks my heart to think that someone could have abandoned a sweet dog like him. And I hope if someone lost him but has a good heart, will search for him. And if nothing happens, that he will find a very good family to love him and to give him the affection he deserves.

Always put a collar and tag on your pets. It's their ticket home. And if you can afford it, microchip them. No dog nor cat should be abandoned, ever!

Another day, another week

2009-06-09T10:27:00.001-04:00

of constant cold weather and today is raining. It feels like October!

I am so pleased I am leaving in two weeks from today, because I am going crazy here. I haven't put on sandals even once yet!

It is so depressing!

Back to time management

2009-06-02T10:41:00.003-04:00

Unbalanced Reaction gave me some good suggestions on time management in keeping a running list of tasks with a due date in her office because it keeps her motivated and at the same time students are aware that she is busy. I like this idea very much that I will try to adopt it myself.

Another thing I will try to do is to post more often about tasks and things to do on the blog. When they are out in the open I feel more obliged to finish things off and to do them without procrastination.

Dr. Crazy here had a very interesting post on starting a new job with a 4/4 teaching load that I find very interesting and I think certain things can apply also on the non tt jobs if you ever hope to get a tt someday. I think it makes me understand that if I am not able to get the grant project together this year is fine also and I shouldn't stress so much about it. If I can get 2 articles out it will be good and then I can take the summer to plan things for the fall too in order to give me a research schedule that I will treat very seriously.

I will keep you posted on how things will progress......

Collegiality or high school?

2009-06-02T10:23:00.003-04:00

At the conference I had the weirdest experience with a very Strange Colleague, I actually felt like I was back in high school.

Husband made a reservation for a nice restaurant on the Saturday night we were there. It was my birthday and he wanted to do something. We said he will make a reservation for 4, because we included the FriendWhoTraveledWithUs and another FriendThatMightHaveJoined.

I received an email from SC on the Saturday afternoon telling me: "if you go out and do something with you group, please call me". SC work at Downtown U but in another Department and I know SC vaguely, we never spoke before the conference, we only met once or twice. So I found the email strange because there was no group involved but a very quiet and intimate dinner.

The same night there was a 6 to 8 drinks scheduled that we planned to attend and I met SC there. The first thing SC did was asking me: "what do you do tonight?" and I told her that we had plans, it was my birthday, and SC left it at that. But then she talked with FriendWhoTraveledWithUs who, after two drinks invited SC to the dinner. SC then came to my Husband and asked him again because Friend invited her and if she could come because she thought it was just a dinner between me and him and now it was a bigger thing and to make a long story short, she wanted to come with us. I asked then FriendThatMightHaveJoined if she wanted to came with us, and she said she was tired and wanted to catch some sleep. So after all SC came with us (the restaurant is a very small one and seating is limited so we really couldn't fit a fifth person on board if that was the case) even if we were all a little bit embarrassed. I mean, SC was nice and funny at the dinner but I found so strange the fact that she literally invited herself to a dinner that I would have preferred to keep private. I mean, in another occasion I might even have gathered a group to go out with, but that particular night I wanted to spend the evening with Husband first and with these 2 close friends, not with someone I barely know.

Anyway, I felt like I was back in high school and SC was begging to join the group. And then SC talked about her own personal things, how she can't find someone and other things. We all felt a little awkward because we didn't know SC well at all. It was definitely a very weird experience. How do you react with Colleagues at conferences? What do you do? I usually ask a couple of people if they want to grab a bite after but I don't make a scene if they are busy or have other plans.

I am back!

2009-05-28T15:15:00.002-04:00

And conference was fun, interesting and everything went well. I was kind of tired yesterday and today I had a little something (a very small cyst) taken off from my right wrist. It was just hurting from time to time and it looked like it was growing. Nothing major, and I am happy it's done. If only we had a little sunshine, it would be perfect!

I'll be back to blogging asap.

Thinking about tilme management

2009-05-19T10:18:00.004-04:00

In a previous post I was asking some advice on how to use the upcoming summer at its best. Unbalanced reaction, Anonymous and Successful Researcher suggested to keep a consistent schedule and focus. Successful Researcher has also interesting links about time management for academics.

Now I would like to ask you a more practical question. How do you schedule your research time, both in the sense of how you divide your time and what do you do with it? I know each discipline has its own priorities. As an example, in the humanities we don't have labs to take care of.

I was thinking when I'll be back from big Conference (coming up this weekend) to divide my day in two: mornings will be dedicated to writing (and not picking up the phone, reading blogs, newspapers, etc.) and the afternoon to research and reading. I would like to keep a schedule from 9:30 to 5:00 in order to "compress" things and focus more. It's about quality and not quantity. What is the point of spending hours doing something if I don't focus well on it?

How do you organize your day? And do you keep up in the same way during the year? Do you have one research day (or more?) when you focus on your research only? And is it a writing day or a reading day? Do you prefer to write down all your tasks or to schedule them in a calendar/agenda/somethinglikethat?

Send me your thoughts and I will post them next week when I'll be back.

I have only asked for a one day extension

2009-05-13T16:33:00.002-04:00

The Secretary wrote me to let me know that I need to send her the finals (I just want to underline the fact that those are final exams for courses I don't teach) by the end of the month. I asked for a 1 day sort of exception. The first and only because I will be away for 5 days to a national congress.

S. said no. (but other colleagues of mine had exceptions of even 1 week!)

I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm. I must remain calm.

Bad news

2009-05-13T16:28:00.002-04:00

I have just received a message from a good friend and she told me that her position has been terminated. We spoke over the phone and the situation is critical. Nor she nor her husband (both academics) have a job for next year.

Her first book comes out in two weeks.

She is angry and plans to go back to Europe asap. I can't blame her.

The what?

2009-05-12T10:14:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago I received a message from Chair regarding the annual report. Please send us your conferences, publications, etc., etc. I sent everything to the Assistant on time.

The day after I met my French colleague and hir told me that I was supposed to send in all the activities of the section. Well, nobody told me anything about it and in any case I asked Assistant to let me know if what I did was fine.

Yesterday, after almost a week I wrote back to Assistant to ask hir if what I sent was ok and mentioned what French colleague told me. Assistant wrote back that indeed, I was supposed to send all the activities of the section too. Mmmmmhhhhhh, how am I supposed to do the job if nobody is telling what to do even when I ask?

These are the things that gets me pretty pissed off.

Relief

2009-05-08T10:34:00.000-04:00

I don't know how, but I had very good evaluations from hellish class. I am surprised and relieved.

I am finishing my conference for the end of the month and I should start reading a couple of books. It's hard because Husband is home: ha has a back problem and I do a lot of things for him.

What is your best advice to make the best out of the summer months? I realize I need some advice here in order to make it productive. (also because I will spend one month in Europe and I would love to take that time completely off).

RBOC

2009-05-04T17:46:00.000-04:00

-It is a sunny and warm day that I just love

-I submitted the grades for the last class

-I have to prepare an exam for a course that wasn't even mine (ooohhh, I procrastinate on this one)

-I procrastinate, I procrastinate, I procrastinate

-iMac has some weird problems I can't figure out. Is just way too slow. I am happy to have my MacBook, just in case. And I am backing up a lot of stuff, just in case again.

-I need to write Conference for end of the month

-I procrastinate, I procrastinate, I procrastinate

-To procrastinate a little bit more I think I want a cold beer!!!!

Exams from hell

2009-05-01T09:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the last final with the class from hell. The longest three hours ever! By the end of it I was annoyed by the stupidest questions ("Oh, Prof, can you tell me if this answer is right or wrong?"....... Nope!) and they really started to get on my nerves. I wanted to get out of there. I can't believe they stayed in the all 3 hours.

There is one lucky thing about it, it's only 9 of them. The worst class ever!

Now I have to correct the exams. Wish me luck!

Sunday morning

2009-04-26T13:50:00.000-04:00

I woke up very late this morning (yesterday's dinner was great but very unexpectedly our pasta sauce turned way more spicy than expected!), we had a late breakfast this morning when Husband came back from the walk with our furry monster, and now I am slowly thinking about a light lunch and an afternoon reading. I haven't been able to slow down like this in ages. It feels good!

Out of grading jail (at least for now)

2009-04-24T17:00:00.000-04:00

I have graded all 25 finals for one of my classes. Grades are submitted and now the only exam left is next week. The evil class.... The good part about it is I only have 9 students, so it will be an easy one.

What else? I took the time to relax a little bit lately while making plans for the summer (=May and June). There is still a lot to do but I enjoy very much the fact that now the days are mine and I can make the most of them without worrying about preparing classes. I had a fun winter semester, over all.

Finally spring has arrived, the weather will be extremely hot in the next couple of days and it will be wonderful to take the Furry monster out (a sign of spring is that yesterday we rushed to the vet to get a tick out of his ear... this is so gross!) and play with him.

I have a nice weekend ahead: we have friends over tomorrow night and a quiet Sunday ahead.

I love spring!

Budget cuts

2009-04-17T16:11:00.000-04:00

At the Departmental Meeting of this morning, the Chair announced that Downtown U is officially on the point of freezing hires. Apparently the situation is so bad that there might be only 4 tenure-track hires for a total of 25 departments next year. Not encouraging at all....

I think elsewhere things won't be brighter and this makes me wonder about how the job market will be next year and what will happen in the future. I guess that for now I am lucky to have a job, even if not tt. When that will ever come, that is not known yet.

Why?

2009-04-14T17:16:00.000-04:00

Today I started my spinning class again. It was good to be back at the gym and to have some participants I know who came back to say hello and to tell me they were happy I was back.

At the end of the class two girls approached me and told me they were working for the Lululemon store right close by and invited me for a special instructor night on April 30: a class of power abs and some shopping with 30% off.

Guess what? THAT night I have to be on campus because one of my class writes a final. Want to know which one? The one who gave me trouble the entire semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-10T18:15:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter everybody!

Classes are over!

2009-04-10T14:58:00.000-04:00

Exams aren't!

So I shouldn't celebrate just yet. But yesterday was my last day of classes and I am super happy it's done, especially for the night class. It's very rare I complain that much about an entire group but except for 1 or 2 students out of the group, they were a lost cause. Would you believe one student yesterday asked "Hey, Miss, do you think I can study only the day before the exam?". Question to which Miss Ph.DL. answered "If you want to fail, yes!". I really couldn't take it anymore. And now it's all done!

YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

One week to go

2009-04-03T11:06:00.000-04:00

There is only one week left of the winter semester. Thank God!!!! This is what I had to deal with lately:

- Stu1 wrote the night before a test at 9p.m.: "Hey Prof, can you tell me what will be on the test tomorrow?". I am surely not answering at that time, but I did in the morning. As soon as I walk into class at 6p.m. Stu1 asks the same question. I told him that I did answer him. You know what Stu1 said? "Oh, well I didn't even check my e-mails..." My answer was: "Well here is the test!" ................. No comment! And thank you for wasting my time!

-Stu2 (same class by the way) asked me after class if there was any way he could do some assignments on the side because he felt he didn't do good on the test. Well, I am sorry, the marks are what they are, so, no, there is no make up for points missed in a test. And while I was speaking, I asked Stu2 "Did you check out the exercises I sent you and the websites I provided you with?". The answer was "Uh, ho, I didn't have the time...." Then, bite the dust, my dear! You don't study and you want me to do something about it? Oh, please!

Please, let's hope it will be a quick last week. I really have enough of it all!

I am not blogging because

2009-04-02T08:47:00.000-04:00

-I am organizing 7 sessions for a national conference.

-My own organization isn't getting back at me and if the President answers is always too late

-The partcipants are stressed and they write for anything on their mind (no, I don't know what the weather will be like in a month!)

-I am stressed out

-I have way too many emails to answer to

-I finished the book review, which is by now sent :)

-I had a seminar yesterday that was a big waste of time

-I wasted more time with a Coleague having tea (I needed a break)

-Still haven't heard from the Chair....

-Husband is going through a difficult situation at work, I can't blog the details about it but he has been fired by his boss just because three months ago Husband was offered the position and then "someone smart" offered it to his actual boss and withdrew the offer to H. This created tension and problems. Nobody in the company could care less.

-Sometimes I am just pissed off at the unfairness of it all!

Notes from grading jail

2009-03-27T11:27:00.000-04:00

Again, I am back in grading jail. I have to grade:

-24 translation exams
-20 test
-10 compositions

Oh, please! I can't even express how much I do hate grading!
And I have to prepare another bunch of exams for next week where the translation projects will be flowing in.

Mr. Doggie is doing well. Our vet said his eye healed and he's only having a bit of conjunctivitis now. We are down to 2 drops twice a day and otherwise he seems happy and in his usual silly mood. All the dogs this morning had the first bath of the season! The snow is melting fast and there is one big area where it can't drain yet. So all of them splashed in the (terribly cold but they don't mind) water.
I report that I also finally obtained my business cards! That was about time!
I wonder why our Chair answers very quickly to futile messages but never does to important ones........

On collegiality but self destructing

2009-03-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

I went today to hear a conference organized by Young Colleague. Now there has been a couple of issues this semester with YC but I didn't want to talk about them as I try to keep a free mental space and to leave all the problems outside (or leave them on campus). But this time it's some advice I need. Again, will you say? Yes, again, here is where I talked about hir and there are many more stories I could write. But let me get to this one because one thing is to not expect Colleagues to be friends (on which we all agree, I think) but another is to expect Colleagues to be polite (I know some of you will laugh at this one!).

Anyway, YC organized three conferences and YC asked me to be present. I went all the time, for two reasons: I think that being colleagues in the same small section where two Senior Colleagues never show up, it's important to show that there is a collegiality, even on topics we might not be familiar with; and secondly because I know YC would have taken it personally. Now, I don't personally care about what YC thinks about me on a personal level, but I have to be diplomatic on the professional one (as YC is know to bad mouth anyone YC does not like). So I went and I enjoyed some. In some I participated actively in the debate, in some I listened and I learned something. Which in my point of view is always interesting.

Now, it happened all the three times that a dinner was organized with the Speaker. I have never been invited once. Let me also add that most of the conferences were organized with another Young Just Arrived Colleague from another University (let's call him YJAC). Both JC and YJAC are men in their thirties. (that's the reason why this post will self destruct... too many details) Both single, same research area, they do fit well together and I think YC needs the advice of YJAC who seems to be a "hot shot": well published, got a tt in a R1 university (we are not R1) while ABD, seems to know everybody that counts in their field.

Now, I would summarize the situation as in this phrase another Colleague told me once: "it's a boys club". At the time I didn't want to believe that in 2000something, gender would still play a role into academia in North America. But let me tell you it f.....g does! (and let me add that the speakers invited were ALL men!!!!!!)

Again, nobody would expect to be automatically invited ALL the times to join the group, but at least once I think would be a gesture of collegiality. At least to me. But no, it didn't happen once. When the opposite happened, YC was always included. Always!

Now how do you react to that (except for being pissed off)? What do you think would be the best solution to it?

I am eager to hear your ideas!

Finally things are getting done

2009-03-23T16:49:00.000-04:00

Today I was able to write the book review I have to finish before April 1. I will reread it in two days to make sure I am saying things that make sense. In the meanwhile I also took a light day because I had an almost terrible headache because I went to sleep very late yesterday and this morning I woke up particularly groggy to an extreme cold day: -20 with the wind chill. Excuse me, where is spring?

And I had to call the vet because I wanted to make sure about the appointment we have for Mr. Doggie on Wednesday morning and to check things out for Terrible kitty for the summer. Mr. Doggie seems to be ok and he's an angel when I put the drops into his eye. The vet was saying that she thinks we intervened with a very good timing and he should be ok. I truly hope so, but she still has to perform a test on Wednesday to make sure the ulcer is healing properly.

This afternoon on the other hand I am getting back to exercising, slowly but surely. Spring might not be here yet, but I feel like I need to get a hold on my free time and train again. I am sick and tired of spending my days in front of the computer. So today it will be light aerobics, abs and yoga.

Three weeks until the end of the semester....... and yes, I am counting!

Keep your finger crossed

2009-03-18T21:15:00.000-04:00

I went to the vet to pick up Mr. Doggie and unfortunately the Vet told me that he has an ulcer on his cornea. The good thing is that we did the test and we found out what the condition is right away. We came home with a lot of drops: antibiotics and atropine to be put in a couple of times a day. We hope very much that Mr. Doggie will heal and in one week he will have to get back to the vet for testing. And let's hope that he will heal on his own and he won't suffer any damage in his eye.

It is so hard to deal with their illness because they can't talk and let us know how they are. I am very sad right now because Mr. Doggie has always been particularly unlucky with his health. But the fact that he wags, is his silly self and he's able to deal with it in such a peaceful and sweet manner reminds me how grounded dogs can be. Sometimes more than us.

Please keep your finger crossed that he will heal in a week. We love him dearly.

Long Day

2009-03-18T11:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was an extremely long day. I went to campus early so I can give in the finals. I had the surprise that now the Exams Office want a double copy of each alternate exam and not just one copy (in addition to the double copy exam for the official finals). I prepared the additional copies and then went to teach Class 1 when my dog walker called. Furry Monster had some eye issues yesterday morning pawing at his left eye and I was not sure if calling the vet or not. He was not in pain, but I asked the dog walker to let me know if he was still doing it. Which he was, so I called the vet, scheduled an appointment, went to teach Class2, run home, took my Boy to the vet, the vet thinks it's just a conjunctivitis but wanted to run a test today in order to make sure no corneal damage is present. I left the Monster there, got back home, had dinner and collapsed at 10 ultra tired.

I woke up this morning at 9:30, a luxury I don't have very often because I am up at 6:15 every morning to take my Monster out.

And now I have to:

-prepare Class 3

-print a couple of things for Class 2

-prepare a test for Class2

-read a course pack from Unknown Class because I will have to prepare an exam out of it (the professor for this class is gone and I have to do it)

-read a book for book review.

Yesterday we were announced that the Departmental Meeting scheduled for this Friday won't take place. I am so happy I get to stay home on Friday! Yay! And recharge my batteries a little.

First day of freedom (almost)

2009-03-13T16:23:00.000-04:00

I am finally back from two intense weeks. My parents flew back yesterday and they arrived home safe and sound. I spent the last two weeks running around and I am exhausted. Plus there is this feeling that the trimester is over soon, spring might come, but in both cases we aren't there yet.

I have a busy weekend ahead and some grading. Plus I need to prepare a test and a quiz for my classes. It's 4 weeks to go, but for 2 classes only 2 weeks because the students will have their final presentations. Good for me because I still have to prepare for 2 more weeks and then finally the semester will be almost over! YAY!!!

I need to find the time to make a plan for the summer. It's the first time I will have from mid April to August to do things I want to do. There will be a couple of administrative tasks ahead but I will have some free time and I want to use it wisely.

This summer I plan to:

-reorganize and send out two articles

-write a research plan and a grant proposal

-prepare my CV and my stuff to send out for the job market

-read all the books piling up on a table

I'll keep you posted....

I don't know why

2009-03-10T19:27:00.000-04:00

I decided I want to apply to a Big Federal Grant next year. I am very lucky we have an Advisor at Downtown U who seems to be very nice. I will meet Ad. in April and I will work on the application all summer (plus two articles and a lot of readings!). Ad. sent me already some material to read i order to prepare me for the ordeal. I know that I am probably not there yet and my research isn't that articulated now for such a competitive a grant, but I think I might just learn a lot throughout the entire process. And at the end, even if the grant will not be there, I might end up with a decent research plan, after all. I am taking it as an important learning experience and some sort of academic money in the bank of knowledge for myself.

Wish me luck because it will be hard and gruesome!

As for the rest, my parents will leave the day after tomorrow and I am extremely busy with a lot (piles and piles) of work. 4 weeks and a half to go...... I hope they will go extremely fast.

Quick post

2009-03-04T16:50:00.000-05:00

My parents are in town and I am running around most of the time. I am happy to see them but I am not sure I have enough energy to do everything with them. I feel tired and exhausted. Next week will be hell (work related stuff) and I hope I will be able to do everything.

I can't wait until the semester is over.

Sometimes I wonder

2009-02-28T14:36:00.000-05:00

why we have deadlines and then everybody sends in their stuff at the last minute or late! I am organizing some sessions for Big Canadian conference and I have some people waking up and saying "oh, I am so sorry, I missed the deadline, can I squeeze in?".

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

PS: To the graduate student that wrote that zie wanted to send me something and to whom I wrote 3 times (do you have an abstract? remember there is a deadline, etc. etc.) and I never had a word back (not even a thank you): why are you wasting my time? And why are you sending me a message the day after the deadline telling me you were busy with a conference and the thesis, so I should understand? Yes, I do understand: you are starting out in this world by being a) rude, and b) unprofessional.

I really love this song

2009-02-26T15:40:00.000-05:00

I am listening to Mraz's album while preparing Easy Class and I truly love this song:

Details in the fabric

I can report that the Translation course is almost ready, Easy Class is almost out of my way, finals are prepared, I still have two quizzes for one course and another test for a second one to prepare. Corrections are done, I still have to grade.

Starting next Monday it's countdown to the end of the semester: 6 weeks to go!

Good news

2009-02-24T10:51:00.000-05:00

My contract has been renewed for another year! YAY!!!!!!!

I received a letter from a person who would like me to join an association that is not academic but it's vaguely related to the promotion of language teaching. As nice as this person was to think about me, I said no. I don't think I have time for anything that is not related to my job in a very egoistic way. I politely answered that as much as I appreciate and I am honored by the offer, I really can not take on more responsibilities.

I think I am learning how to say no without feeling guilty.

A nice surprise

2009-02-22T11:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday with Husband we went to our favorite bistro in our neighborhood and it happens to be also a bookstore. I found a nice edition of The Arcade Project of Walter Benjamin for 40$. I was happy (lately I was complaining because this bookstore sells books at very high prices, I can find the same at least 3 to 10$ less on line at Amazon or Indigo) and I pass to pay. I have a card there and every 10 books you are buying you get a discount based on your average spending for the 10 titles. And it was time to cash in my credit. With taxes and everything, the book cost me 7$!

If only that would happen more often!

And spring break is officially started: I took it easy for the last two days but now I need to get back to work: I need to prepare almost all of my translation classes. March will be an extremely busy month: my parents are coming for a 12 days visit (=light blogging ahead) and I have two meeting and several deadlines. Plus a book review due by April 1st. I will start reading the book as soon as today in order to write it asap.

Spring break and plans

2009-02-20T10:06:00.000-05:00

At Downtown U the campus is covered with fresh snow and today we waked up to find out that the temperatures dropped significantly during the night. It was cold on this morning walk!

I had a chance to grab a coffee with Gentle Colleague and to hear about hir plans. And to take some time to think about my situation and what I want to do in the future. I like DownTown U, it's not perfect but if offered a tt position I would like to stay. Now the chances that this would happen are really slim. We have two Senior Colleagues way over 70 that are not planning retirement at all and this create a situation where nobody new can be hired, except that with a contract like mine. Now, there might a possibility to extend my appointment from a 3 years contract into a 5 years one. But again with no possibility of a tt (unless it will opened in the far far future). Anyway, from where I stand now, and the economic situation more or less everywhere, it's a sort of a wait and see game. If I don't find anything else, I will stay, of course, and if a tt will be available I will take it even somewhere else.

The only thing I am scared about is getting stuck in a position where I am "forced" to teach only language classes. I love to do it, I love to see the students progress and see how they expand their knowledge but I also like to engage in some critical thinking with my students while we are reading and discuss theory. And I miss doing that. A lot. So I know that this position is an excellent point of departure but its not the position I want to be in forever. I want something that will engage me more and will give me a chance to teach literature. After all this is what my Ph.D. was about: it was about literature and not pedagogy. This is what really interests me.

Yesterday I passed by to sign a petition into the office of a colleague who is also the Union representative. I took the chance to ask hir (this is like a million dollar question) if (s)he knew if I could be competing for Major Grant next year because I was excluded last one and nobody can give me a clear answer on the topic. UR said "oh, even if you are an Assistant Professor, we do have two classes of professors here?", well, yes, there is a discrimination and the university is not particularly welcoming with people that have this visiting gig. And you see, this is what it is all about. I want to have the same opportunities as anybody else. And I want to work and put my energy in a place where I know all my best assets will be used and actively engaged.

Am I asking for too much?

Preparing for spring break

2009-02-16T19:16:00.000-05:00

Well, it's very ironic to call spring break the last week of February in Canada! We have a lot of snow planned for this week and maybe for next one (our spring break at DownTown U), so I would define it as wishful thinking. But, let me tell you I just can't wait for the real spring. It will not get here fast enough.

Except for my dreaming about a weather that will arrive here in approx. 2 months (by then I won't be able to even look at my winter coat!), I am preparing for next week: the break!!!!!! Finally! I don't know why but this semester has been particularly long and particularly heavy. And one week at home will help me plan the last six weeks of the semester that are already packed with things to do. There is so much to do and so little time. I will work as much as I can because the week after I will receive the visit of my parents and I would like to make time for them even if the semester will start again in full gear.

All I need is good planning, doing the most important and time consuming things first: like teaching prep for my translation course, and planning the final exams (that at DU we have to give in by MidMarch, can you believe it?). I also have to write a book review, on which I have mixed feelings. I always accept enthusiastically, I put the book away and then I wake up one day and I have to read the book as fast as possible and I have to write as fast as possible. Well, this time I decided that I will work on this in advance. I want to read the book this week and start planning the review over the next one. If I can write everything, then by Mid-March I will just have to read it again and then send it out.

By the first week of April the semester is over (the exams will follow shortly). I can't wait to have the first (almost) free summer in years!

My mantra for now is: 6 more weeks, 6 more weeks!

Happy belated Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T11:03:00.000-05:00

To all of you! We decided that for us VD was a day to spend time together and have a nice dinner in the restaurant we love.

And the furry monster came home with a Valentine bandana from daycare. He is just soooooo cute!

Enjoy the weekend!